Eat As I Say!

I'm not a dieter. I just can't do it. I think it's because my parents had a very "You will eat as I say!" philosophy.


You didn't really have an option when growing up with Egyptians. I remember vividly the looks on my aunts faces when I said I wasn't hungry. It was a mix of surprise and insult, like I had I just told them to go someplace fiery.


"No thanks tunt, I'm not hungry (looking up to see her face)....oh wow...or I guess I could have a piece of kofta, why not...or 5 pieces is fine, 6 is plenty--ok 10, 10 is great, thank you, no this is enough, shokran."

So now, if I tell myself I'm going to eat something, I end up doing the opposite times 10. I don't know why I do this, but it may be my own weird way of rebelling for always having to eat the way others told me.


Like I've had eggs in one form or another every day for the past two weeks. This morning I thought, "ok, you gotta stop eating so many eggs. This is just not good for you. You need something to offset it, like oatmeal. Order oatmeal made with skim milk."


Deli Lady: Good morning, Eat and Drink Cafe


Me: Hi good morning I'd like to place a delivery order.


Deli Lady: Go ahead with your order


Me: I would like...


My Brain: Oatmeal, with skim milk, slivered almonds and honey


Me: A two-egg omelet on a roll


Brain: What?


Deli Lady: Would you like cheese on that?


Brain: No you don't need cheese.


Me: Yes absolutely.


Deli Lady: Cheddar, swiss or American?


Brain: No.


Me: American...with a slice of cheddar. And some swiss.


Deli Lady: Ok, bacon or sausage?


Brain: No meat!


Me: Yes.


Deli Lady: Bacon OR sausage?


Brain: Sausage is better for you, sausage is better for you.


Me: Bacon. No extra bacon. No wait, take the bacon that would have been extra, and make it sausage.


Brain: What are you insane?


Deli Lady: Anything else?


Brain: Yes, cancel it, get some yogurt.


Me: Yes, hashbrowns. Can you get them with cheese?


Deli Lady: Of course. We'll see you in 10 minutes.


Me: Great! Thank you!


Brain: I hate you.


It's only after I'm full that I realize how stubborn I am. And then I tell myself, don't worry, next meal will be better. For lunch, just order a garden salad with no cheese and lite Italian dressing .

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